Well a new series of Masterchef has hit our screens…much discussion has already begun about it the following though did amuse me…
Rule One - Down a double whiskey whenever "ingredients expert" Gregg Wallace threatens to stick his head in a pudding, lick the plate clean or just grins manically after scoffing a few mouthfuls of something chocolaty.
Rule Two - Drink your shot of choice each time John Torode displays his unusual eating method, where he wolfs down forkfuls of food and munches furiously, as if he's never eaten a meal before.
Rule Three - Down a pint of lager when Gregg shouts at the camera: "Cooking doesn't get tougher than this!"
Rule Four - Down a second pint if John follows that up by shouting: "This competition is going to change somebody's life....forever!"
Rule Five - Have a glass of red wine whenever the voiceover women tells us that a contestant can "pack in flavours" but "needs to work on their presentation".
Rule Six - Follow it with another glass of red wine if the next contestant "shows great technique", but needs to "pack in flavours".
Rule Seven - Have some Tequila slammers each time Gregg and John start bickering about who should go through and the camera quickly flashes between them both putting on their best angry faces.
Rule Eight - Crack into some rum each time John angrily tells a contestant: "There's just too much going on with that plate!"
Rule Nine - Have another swig of rum each time you spot Gregg or John standing over a hopeful like mad stalkers or conspicuously spying on them from behind some pots and pans.
Rule Ten - Knock back another glass of wine and yawn if a contestant reveals: "My dream is to run my own restaurant."
Rule Eleven - Drink a double gin if a contestant smiles optimistically and says they are making a chocolate fondant.
Rule Twelve - Finish off the gin when Greg and John end up pushing the fondant around the plate tutting at another failure.
